To any of you who may be wondering what happened to my Flats and Handwashing Challenge, I have to fess up and it may not be pretty. I really don't want to tell you.
Day 5 of the Challenge was like everyday cloth diapering, full of good intentions. But then stuff happened. Husband and wife stuff. Pettiness. Misunderstanding. Overreacting. Anger. All of that kind of ugliness. I was so distracted by that and trying to be the good, stable mother that my kids need me to be, that washing diapers by hand wasn't going to happen. Something had to give and that was what I chose. I had to put that energy into surviving my own mind and keeping my household together. Arguments don't always make sense, but they will always suck the life out of you in the long run. After the flames of that fight simmered away, I have been reflecting on what I have learned by it and the profound lesson that I have never applied to my message about using cloth.
I believe in using cloth. I use cloth everyday. It really is a lifestyle for us now and I want others to know all about it. BUT there are times when other things are more important. Things like sanity. Like mom keeping it together for another day. Like putting your energy into the things that really shape your children's lives. There is no super hero badge for using cloth or even washing those diapers by hand. I do not know every one's situation behind their closed doors, but I think many times there are situations that are so difficult emotionally that we are just surviving. Yes, you can wash diapers by hand, but is it where you want to put that energy? I remember when I was handwashing everything in the house, including diapers for 2 when Thing #4 was 3 months old and the day my washer was fixed. I cried when I put that first load in. They were tears of having been overwhelmed and exhausted for months. The end of this week made me remember what it feels like to be at the end of my rope with life. I can sympathize with mothers who just want to get through this patch. Washing diaper? Yeah. Right. I was lucky enough that I could just go throw mine in the washer, but if I hadn't been, I probably would have reached for that sposie.
So in the end, I came up short on showing how to do something that I really believe in. God has an annoying way of showing me when I am being prideful and boasting. I promise not to judge folks on their diaper choices, but rather share what I know and my experience with those who are truly interested. Because life happens whether we want it to or not.
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